Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Start 2024 with an Imposter Friend rather than an Enemy.
I’m not a fan of the term Imposter Syndrome, which I’ll explain in a moment but it’s a term that has become more and more part of our consciousness when considering self-confidence and self-development - so I’m sticking with it.
The reason I’m not a fan is I worry that it becomes a label and a reason for inaction…“it’s because I have imposter syndrome.” Now, I’m all for acknowledging that this might be what’s happening and what you are experiencing but I’m not OK with that being it.
This is a signal to take action.
Let’s start by recapping what the term Imposter Syndrome refers to.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
It was first labelled in 1978 by Pauline Rose Clane and Suzanne Imes when they were exploring the experience of professional women. The reality is feelings of imposter syndrome can be experienced by anyone. I see this in the leaders I work with of all genders and therefore it can apply to anyone; in fact, an estimated 70% of the population will experience it at some point in their life.
Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This often results in people feeling like "a fraud" or "a phony" and doubting their abilities.
A person will feel a sense of inadequacy in the environment, despite being objectively competent. What’s important to remember here though is that this is how the person is assessing themselves – this isn’t because of what others actually feel or assess them on. This is about the narrative they are sharing with themselves about themselves.
Better Up shared a few ways this Imposter feeling can show up. These are the things you could be looking out for in yourself or with others.
Self-doubt – feeling anxious and questioning who you are and what you can achieve in an unhelpful way.
Undervaluing contributions – feeding a feeling that you aren’t great at what you do because you undermine the value of what you achieve.
Attributing success to external factors – not taking responsibility for your success – “It’s because of X, Y, and Z that this was successful, not because of what I did.”
Sabotaging self-success – getting in your own way, making it harder to perform, and making deliberately risky or poor decisions to support this.
Setting unrealistic expectations – because actually achieving something unrealistic is blooming difficult! So, by setting something unrealistic you feed the feeling of not being good enough.
Continuous fear of not living up to expectations – their expectations are a burden and there is a constant feeling of not being able to achieve.
Burnout – whilst trying to overcome these feelings and by pushing too hard and unreasonably.
Imposter syndrome is harmful and will get in the way of us achieving our potential, being able to trust ourselves, seeing our own worth and we’ll sell ourselves short every time.
This imposter is our enemy.
You don’t deserve to give your enemy this much power. You deserve better than that.
But what if you looked at this differently – what if you choose to acknowledge and hear your imposter as a friend rather than a harmful enemy?
Having an Imposter friend rather than an enemy.
Take a moment – who is your best friend?
Did you answer – “I’m my best friend!”
We are often not our own best friend, which is where the enemy imposter likes to live. We can be unkind to ourselves; we can let ourselves down and we can amplify that.
Go back to the person that you identified as your best friend, what makes them this to you? Why do you value them so much?
Is it because:
They tell you the truth?
They are kind to you?
They challenge your thinking?
They make you laugh?
They help you escape?
This is all the good and important stuff, the things that raise us and make us feel good.
Sometimes, our friends will tell us the things we are avoiding, the things we are pretending aren’t there, and the things we really don’t want to hear.
However, are they always right?
They are playing back what they see, and what they think based on what we project, or they are just looking to protect us.
What we know is 99% of the time, it’s coming from a good place.
So, our imposter friend is just telling us what we are feeling deep inside. What if we listened to them from a place of support and love rather than a place of conflict?
By accepting them as a friend – we can change the impact from harm to support.
How to benefit from your new friend.
First up, before we do anything else – you need to decide that you want this imposter to be your friend and that you want to take action on what they are telling you.
As mentioned in the introduction – this imposter is our self-assessment, so by choosing to hear it as a friend we can then be more open to act.
Once you’ve chosen to take action, you need to listen to what your imposter friend is saying and ask yourself the question – “is that really true?”
This question is really important because this is where you can start to understand what is going on.
When asking yourself this question – try and frame the answers into the following options:
“No, it isn’t true, and I need to stop telling myself this” – then find the words that represent reality for you. Every time you hear or feel the untruth, go back to your imposter friend with the new words you’ll use to challenge this.
“I don’t think it is true but I’m finding it hard to feel confident in challenging this” – then there’s some work to do to help yourself overcome this feeling. It’s OK to acknowledge this but then it’s time to take action. You need to ask a follow-up question here – “what’s getting in the way of me feeling different about that.” When you have an answer to these questions identify what will help you to change this.
By listening and really hearing your friend, you can start to change the things that they are saying, because you are showing a different story. A true story and a story that will enable you to shine.
Hopefully, response 1 covers most things for you i.e. changing the narrative you are telling yourself will help you overcome it but if you are more in response 2 then put a plan together to help you become confident to challenge and change the narrative.
Even though you are telling yourself a new reality (actual reality) you still might not be feeling it. This is where the concept of “fake it until you become it” steps in. This was highlighted in a TedTalk by Amy Cuddy. This is about how you start to force yourself to do or feel something until it becomes how you feel. This is a great way to get you over the hurdles that you are putting in your way.
Watch the TedTalk then choose the power pose that will work for you and identify the things that you want to fake until you become it by truly feeling you belong there.
Continuing your dialogue with your Imposter friend.
I see my relationship with my imposter friend as ongoing. Now and then, maybe when I’m facing something new or something I’m afraid of, they’ll pop up and share the story I’m telling myself.
I see this as an insight into me – I see this as a gift, an opportunity, and sometimes a challenge.
It is then up to me how I deal with that – I can let my friend become my enemy again and let it get in the way or I can thank my friend for showing me what’s going on and then I can take action.
So, what are you going to do next to turn your imposter from an enemy into your friend?
In summary – start shifting your Imposter from enemy to friend:
Decide to take action.
Let that imposter become your friend.
Listen to them - understand what you are telling yourself and why that is.
Ask the question – is that really true.
Identify what you can change quickly with new words that are reality.
Identify the areas that you need to take proactive steps to help you get to a point where you can acknowledge reality honestly.
Get help where we need it – to move you forward.
Fake it until you become it.
Capture the change – acknowledge it – keep learning.
Keep welcoming your Imposter friend.
I run a LinkedIn Live event on this topic, and you can access it here. Check it out, as a competition is running to win a 1-hour coaching session with me to help you implement your plan - The closing date is 31.12.2023.
Here are some great sources that I’ve used to help shape this session and this blog:
Imposter Syndrome: Definition, Symptoms & Tips to Overcome It (betterup.com)
Overcoming imposter syndrome | Workplace Wellness | Bupa UK
Another source to consider:
Dr. Valerie Young defines five types in her book: The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer.